the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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