My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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