Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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