I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
