I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
