So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
