And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
