i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
