A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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