Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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