So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
