don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
