This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
