you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
