the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How external is "for external use only"?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
