Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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