I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
