He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
