I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
