i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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