I can text with my tongue
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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