the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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