better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
