Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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