very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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