is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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