you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
