hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
