Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
