She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
