I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
