I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
