Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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