so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
