i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
