we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
