I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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