New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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