He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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