I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
