...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
