Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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