His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
