my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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