I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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