The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
