the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
