me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
