3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
