i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize