I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
