Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
