my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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