somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
