I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
