I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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