his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
