the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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