i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
