No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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