You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
