dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
