She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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