Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
