We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
