Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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