If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
